I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
