My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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