M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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