Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
