my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
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