I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
