I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
i need to put some appletini on your dick
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
