I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize