guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
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