Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
