What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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