I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
this hospital has no fireball
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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