cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
