bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
