i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
