Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
