this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
A+ Viking dick
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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