I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Randomize
