Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Randomize
