My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
