the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I'm at about main and main street
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Randomize