so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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