he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
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