I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Is Oprah even human
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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