3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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