u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Randomize
