I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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