I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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