From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
