sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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