thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
