I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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