If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
