3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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