apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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