Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
either way he was missing a nipple.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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