Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
