you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
