i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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