Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
