I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
