Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
You ate ashes out of my bong
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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