Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
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