I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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