oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I still have a little drunk in my system
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
