So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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