I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
