i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
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cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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