yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Randomize
