I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Randomize
