I met the friendliest cop last night
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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