her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
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He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
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Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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