Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
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