I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Sorry about my life...
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
