god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Randomize
