high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
A+ Viking dick
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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