For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
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