yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
false alarm, still single
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
