Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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