last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Randomize
